Understanding The Importance of Advocacy For the LGBTQIA+ Community

Why is advocacy still necessary when we’ve come such a long way in LGBTQIA+ rights?

It’s true; we have come a long way from just a few decades ago in LGBTQIA+ rights, but one look in the news today will show you that we still have a long way to go. Probably the most notable advancement was the Obergefell v. Hodges case in 2015 that originally gave same-sex couples the right to marry, followed by the Respect for Marriage act in 2022 that formally codified the requirement that individual states and the federal government must recognize another state's legal marriage. The Respect for Marriage act was passed to help mitigate potential repercussions and impact should Obergefell be overturned.

However, despite Obergefell, the Respect for Marriage act, the expanded hate crime laws, the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” and several other advancements, there are currently almost 500 anti-LGBTQ bills in the U.S. Basic rights are being stripped away from the LGBTQIA+ community, rights such as healthcare, having bodily autonomy, being removed from our families or having our families taken away from us, and having the constant threat and fear of violence hang over us, just to name a few. This is why advocacy is still needed.

It’s not uncommon for people to feel like the LGBTQIA+ community is being shoved down their throats or shoved in their face. The truth is no one in our community is trying to force their life on anyone. The only thing anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community wants is to be able to live their life as freely and openly as any heterosexual cisgender person. We want to live without the fear or threat of violence just because of who we are or who we love, without the fear of being disowned by our family, without the fear of losing our jobs if we’re “outted” to the wrong people, without our basic rights such as healthcare, marriage, or family being taken away from us. What we want is to have the same kind of representation in media that heterosexual and cisgender people have in every form of media from art, music, books and fairytales to television, cartoons, and movies.

There is a famous quote that says, “when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression” (author unknown). It may be hard to understand the word privilege for some. It doesn’t mean everything in life has come easily or that you haven’t worked hard for what you have. It means that you’re granted basic human dignity in this case. Society has been accustomed to the LGBTQIA+ community hiding and living in secrecy for hundreds of years, so now that more and more we’re refusing to do that, society feels like it’s “too much” when the only thing we’re seeking is equality to live our lives freely and safely.

Why are pronouns so important?

Many people struggle with the concept of identifying pronouns. Let me explain why that’s important to our community. Pronouns are just as much of our identity as our names. We show people respect by calling them by their name, or even a nickname that they want to be called, and when we make a mistake, we apologize and correct ourselves. We can show the same respect by using the correct pronouns for how a person identifies. Using the wrong pronoun can make someone feel disrespected, alienated, invalidated, uncomfortable, or hurt. Image someone using the wrong name or pronoun for you just because THEY think you should be called or seen in a certain way? When it’s done over and over again, that makes you feel terrible, defeated, disrespected, and many other things.

Gender norms are ever changing and these norms are simply made up by our society. Take fashion for example. A lot of norms that are currently seen as only for women, used to be the norm for men. Gender identity and expression are not the same thing, and neither one is the same as someone’s sex. Society’s norms were essentially created as these narrow ideas that every single person is supposed to fit into a very specific box that society made up. The idea that every single person in the seven billion plus people on this planet fits into a specific box that society created is an unrealistic expectation. Not every single person is going to experience sexual or romantic attraction the exact same way or fall under a binary system of societal gender norms or want to express that gender in the same way. There is no biological reason for most, if not all, “gender norms” that exist in our society, but we’re conditioned to think a certain way essentially from when we’re born. For example, think about the idea that pink is for girls and blue is for boys when pink used to be considered more masculine. Or, consider the idea that boys shouldn’t play with dolls. Why is that threatening? Or, consider the idea that men and women are expected to look or dress a certain way. For example, not too long ago, women were expected to wear dresses or skirts simply because society deemed it proper. At the same time, it’s considered inappropriate for men to even consider wearing skirts or dresses when at one point in history this was very common.

When someone knows who they are, knows how they identify and knows how they would like to be referred, it’s important to respect that as you would someone’s name. It shows that you see that person. Using correct pronouns can even go so far as to reduce depression and suicide risk, especially in transgender and non-binary youth.

How can I be more of an ally, both in the workplace and in general?

I get asked the question about ally-ship and how to be a better ally for the LGBTQIA+ community. Here are some things I suggest:

• Introduce yourself with your pronouns so that it provides the opportunity for others to do so as well.
• Include your pronouns in your zoom identification, email signature, in Slack and Teams, etc.
• Don’t tolerate inappropriate jokes or comments. Speak up against actions and comments.
• Use gender neutral language when addressing others.
• Ensure that company policies and documents include gender neutral wording.
• Be a listener; have an open mind; be willing to talk.
• Don't assume that all of your co-workers and friends are straight or cisgender.
• Don’t assume someone’s gender. Use gender neutral pronouns until you know how they would like to be referred.
• Confront your own prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.
• Believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, should be treated with dignity and respect.
• Use gender-neutral terms when speaking of someone’s family, such as spouse or partner instead of husband and wife, or parent instead of mother and father.
• Use gender-neutral terms when addressing a group of people, such as folks instead of “guys.”
• Don’t expect someone from the LGBTQIA+ community to be your sole teacher; it is not their responsibility. Spend some time learning on your own. Read a LGBTQIA+ publication; look into resources; etc.
• Stand up for LGBTQIA+ issues in every aspect of your life—even if there are no LGBTQIA+ people there to watch.
• Get involved with pro-LGBTQIA+ groups and campaigns and contact your elected officials about LGBTQIA+ rights.
• VOTE!!!! Be mindful of who you are voting for and what they stand for, what their views are, and what do they want to accomplish.

Resources for more information:

• GLAAD
• HRC
• GLSEN
• PFLAG
• The Trevor Project
• Pronouns 101 Resource from HRC
• ACLU Legislative Attacks on LGBTQ Rights
• History.com - The Stonewall Uprising
• Genderbread - A teaching tool for breaking the big concept of gender down into bite-sized, digestible pieces.